Your Twenty Seconds Matter: More “washing up songs” for the Pandemic

psyhedelic hand washing technique

You’re standing at the sink. You’re considering the options — do I sing “Happy Birthday” or just straight-up count to myself while the hot water destroys my already chapped and cracked hands?

I’m here to tell you that you do have more options. I give you, in no particular order, five things you can sing while washing your hands vigorously in an attempt to avoid the existential dread of knowing there is nothing you can do to save yourself:

1. The chorus from Jesus Christ Pose (Soundgarden)

But you’re staring at me
Like I, like I need to be saved
Saved, like I need to be saved
Saved

Note: You’ll have to let the notes linger as Chris Cornell (RIP) would have done [video]

2. The chorus from Knives Out (Radiohead)

So knives out
Cut him up
Don’t look down
Shove it in your mouth

Note: This video is whack [video]

3. The opening lyrics to Electric Feel (MGMT)

All along the western front
People line up to receive
She got the power in her hand
Just shock you like you won’t believe
Sun in the amazon
With the voltage running through her skin

Note: The audio sounds like “She got the power in her hand” but google says “current” — feel free to improvise [video]

4. The chorus howl from Wolf (Sylvan Esso)

Ahoo, Ahoo
Ahoo

Note: Some creative license here. The chorus is only two howls. If you do three, in time to the beat, you’ll be at about twenty seconds [video]

5. The chorus to Goose Snow Cone (Aimee Mann)

Gotta keep it together when your friends come by
Always checking the weather but they wanna know why
Even birds of a feather find it hard to fly

Note: Got to give it to Aimee Mann for making a music video about taking her cat to the vet [video] (also, trigger warning: this video begins with a close up shot of dry cat food)